Design Your Life — Daily Hacks
Recently, when I walked the block with my 7-year old daughter, she shared so insightfully with me: “Why is your work all these long words? Like #@#^%logy and such?” I smirked and tried it again. I think she had referred to “Psychology”, “Psychotherapy”, “Design Thinking” and all those 3+ syllable words.
And my daughter, whom we named “Pixel” by middle name, embodies our love for the basic building blocks in life and also for optimistic view of tech and design. There is something quite calming in knowing that we all are made of star dust, that the biggest Lego creation is yet made of individual blocks and that a good online read is just that — pixels.
The “Design Your Life” approach can also be broken down into its theory, values, methods and even advocates, for instance. Design Your Life is thinking and crafting moment by moment an experience that amounts to what becomes our life. You know Lao Tzu’s postulate, “Watch your thoughts as they become your words and as they become your actions and as they become your habits and as they become your character and as they become your destiny” (free interpretation). Small things amount to large gestures!
Similarly with learning, we chain mini behaviors into complex performances. Learning social distancing, learning how to work from home and home school. Or generally speaking, learning how to drive stick shift, play a music instrument, and swim breaststroke, for instance. Understanding complex topics as sequential steps gives me solace in a time of 7+ digital devices at home, 50+ browser tabs opened, global travel, and rapid growth.
After a leap of faith in myself, I began to offer free “Daily Hacks” on my Instagram account to break down Design Your Life or Future into understandable bits. (Hacks are workarounds for when you don’t have the manual or wish to try unconventional ways). It started in Mid-April, one month into the COVID-19 pandemic as people and families have been asked to stay home. Many areas of life collapsed into one shared living space — work, leisure, physical and spiritual rituals, plus teaching, and different relationships — with children or pet, with partner or parent, with one’s self.
Hency, any trending services to digital detox your life have been halted or injected into a completely different context since then, haven’t they? What used to be “How to reach email inbox zero?”, now shifted perhaps to “How to cap your zoom meetings at 3 perday during corona?”
The Daily Hacks are bit-sized inspirations and creative solutions that aim to engage viewers. They ask viewers to capture the building blocks of our doing, thinking and feeling. After all, I’ve worked for Duolingo when it started and pioneered the entire German language track. So think of these hacks as learning the language of systemic design thinking — to speak it for yourself and in relationships.
For instance, Day #3 on “Metaphors we live by” shines light on the power of language on our experience. If we perceive each “argument as war” at home here we fight with one another, we win, loose, negotiate, hurt and so on — this will shape the experience as a war like one.
What, however, are two more ways to conceive communication at home?
What about “argument as adventure” where each speaker needs equipment, a map, way finding tools and frequent breaks to camp? One speaker could pull out her values — authenticity, calm, and fact-based — as a compass and draw a map of the conversational territory.
What about “argument as physical exercise” where one speaker is the trainer and the other the student or both are equal buddies, where things are learned anew or repeated 3 x 15 to solidify a point. Just imagine the message “Hey, I feel overwhelmed!” being said to a significant other 15 times in a row. Arguing would be a skill that increases in strength, in skill, that requires and builds a fit body to be in shape to argue better.
Another example from Day #2 is measuring relational well-being with the “Relational Wheel of Life”. Take the commonly used wheel of life that is used in coaching where each coachee rates 8 ares of life from 0 to 10 in terms of satisfaction. How satisfied are you with your career, 0 being very dissatisfied and 10 being very satisfied? Now imagine for the relationship, additional areas such as “Sexuality”, “Romance”, or the relational view of “Extended Family”. I developed this wheel for the design coaching that I offer online to couples — Design Your Life Together.
The beauty in measuring relational well-being comes from handling a complex topic with a simplified rating — anything can be measured or attempted to be measured. By attending to this topic, the couple brings attention and energy to it — energy goes where attention flows. Change begins with acceptance — or rather appreciation of WHAT IS.
Lastly, connect these appreciative snapshots in time to form repeated relational self-assessment. You will notice change — dips and rises — and also be able to project well-being and design for that.
By participating in the free “Design Your Life — Daily Hacks” trial program, you receive a taste and simplified experience of what that approach and service includes. Note that the actual coaching 1:1 or 1:2 for romantic or professional couples is a fuller, more tuned experience on a weekly basis for 1 hour each.
Couples, who have explored the design coaching journey together (a 6 session package), appreciated that they can design their own couple life — instead of it being already being designed for them. Dating, marriage, kids, house, career? Continuing the good life as is while nurturing an unlived dream? Self-Actualization as a life that goes straight up yet what to do when the roller coaster dips for the first time?
I feel very energized by putting out my content, enjoying the interactions on social media and the in depth coaching as a result. So if you are curious to explore Plan B and C, make that crucial step from thinking to doing — try design coaching.
